The terrorist acts of September 11th have left our nation shaken, frightened, and consumed with rage. So many lives have been lost that communities across the country have been saddened by the news of friends, neighbors, and loved ones dead or missing. As when other tragedies have struck, the painful story has been played out repeatedly on all of the television networks and seen by families everywhere. For educators and parents, including the President's wife, Laura Bush, it raises a critical point: This horrific event will have a lasting effect on our children, and there is much we can do to alleviate their fears and restore their sense of trust in adults.
Parents and educators need to reflect on what the children are seeing and hearing. Is it good for a young child to watch televised horror hour after hour? Too much information and too many grisly stories will only add to the fright and insecurity the children are feeling. Parents should limit the amount of time their children watch these news reports. While they can't be insulated from the knowledge of what has happened, children should have breaks from the grim reality and they need reassurance that they are still safe. Hard as it may be to think of anything light or entertaining at a time like this, it might be a wholesome change if parents were to rent some totally escapist movies for their children to watch occasionally.
This is a great national tragedy, and adults certainly are caught up in it. But, worried as they are, adults can keep things in perspective. Children are not able to do that as well. Thus, it is important that parents and educators balance their own fears and worries with the need to share the truth with the children. Adults need to find other adults to voice their deep concerns.
Children need a safe environment where they can express their fears and get answers to their questions. Communication between children and trusted adults is critical and must be nurtured to keep it going. The more our children can talk about what has happened and express their fears, the sooner they will be able to return to normal living. Communication can be accomplished in a number of ways: Talking is the one we think of right away, but not all children have yet learned the art of conversation and need more options to communicate. Drawing pictures or writing stories might be a better way for childern to get to their most inner thoughts or feelings. Play is still another way to communicate. Children, especially the younger ones, often act out their feelings through play.
Parents and teachers should observe what the children are saying, drawing, writing or playing. They should ask questions about what they have observed and then use the answers to get discussions going. As important it as is to help children communicate, it is equally important for parents and educators to listen to what they are saying or doing. To provide a safe place for children where they can find the reassurance they will need for a long time, it would be helpful to establish ongoing support/educational groups in schools, day care centers or churches.
In parent-child meetings, as well as in groups, adults need to explain their feelings to children. They should summarize their own feelings of sadness, anger, and helplessness and then talk about ways that the children can express their feelings constructively. Children respond best when they have something concrete to do, such as collecting money to help the families who lost a loved one; writing letters to the policemen, firemen and other rescue workers thanking them for their efforts; or writing to the President, the First Lady, or other public figures thanking them and offering suggestions.
Children's fears often come in the form of nightmares or bad dreams. If a child remembers his/her dream in the morning, parents and teachers can take the opportunity to learn about hidden or baseless fears and respond accordingly. Adults should also be on the alert for the quiet child who seems to be taking it all in without any adverse reaction. This can be the child most in need of help, too crippled with fear to express his very real concerns.
Since these terrorist acts happened, a new vocabulary has been introduced to our children. They may not know the meaning of scary words like "terrorist," "casualties," "body bags," and "retaliation." One approach is to ask the child what he/she thinks a particular word means and then get out the dictionary, look it up, and put in perspective.
While retaliation and revenge are in the air, educators and parents need to avert the natural tendency to blame whole groups for the actions of a few. In particular, it is the responsibility of all caring adults to discourage the wave of hysteria that led to the persecution of Japanese-Americans after Pearl Harbor.
Because children are bound to be anxious for some time to come, parents and educators should make themselves readily available, so they can assure their children that everything is all right.
How do you explain such horrible acts as those our nation has experienced? How can we tell our innocent children that people are evil? These are difficult questions; there are no easy answers. Children in this country have their lives ahead of them, and they need to know that this nation will keep them safe. Our government and our democratic society will surely make it so.
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